Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Dear God, contradictory emotions bedevil me. On the one hand, pride. I view myself as exalted, a rank above my fellows. But at the same time: fear. I lay frozen in bed, frightened of the tasks before me.

Together these feelings of pridefulness and fear whiplash me from pole to pole. They are the twin consequences of my fixation on self. The more I focus on me, the more I am subject to the winds of the world.

Lord, I beg you to grant me deeper faith and a steadier heart. Let my efforts not bend to some external outcome, but to seeking you, discerning your will, and dispatching it as best I can. Let these be my simple objectives.

Let self wither and fade. Thy will be done.

(Letter #874)