Saturday, October 14, 2017

Dear God, already, at this early hour, I am consumed by thoughts of self. What will I do today, where will I go today, how will I enact my will today? These are the questions that transfix me. All self-seeking.

Lord, my nature is to be self-driven, my own alpha and omega. How shall I crack open this enclosing shell and lay myself bare to the world you arrange around me?

Shatter my walls, O Lord, and make me vulnerable to every wind. Let me abandon safety. Let me do so willingly, eagerly, enthusiastically. Let me lean forward into the storm, counting each struggling step as an act of devotion.

Let me run at the giants you call me to battle, the famine you call me to husband, the drought you call me to endure. All of it for you.

Too often, I run from the challenges you offer. I hunker down. I present my armor and protect my soft parts. Let me stand, exposed.

The wind blows around me, let me feel it fill my sails. I fear, so I hide. Lord, hold my hand while I emerge.

(Letter #1018)