Thursday, May 17, 2018

Dear God, it has been so long since I have felt this churning fear in the workplace. So much remains undone, so many things feel out of control. I watch and gauge the reactions of those around me, looking for evidence of enmity.

Underlying this fear is phantom guilt and selfishness. I fear others’ reactions to me when I perform my duties — as if any conflict must certainly be as a result of my wrongdoing.

Selfishness drives my incessant need for approval and this need in turn roils me.

Lord, cure my thinking. My attention is wrongly fixed on the world. Let me look to you, seek your will, do your will. Let my attempts to conform my will with yours be sufficient in my own eyes. Let me not pine for accolades and approval.

(Letter #1223)