How Do I Believe?

The world disbelieves; how do I then believe?

The stars flung across last night’s sky.

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The meandering creek at the edge of my meadow.

The wind blowing up from the valley.

Is this glory arranged for just one viewer, Lord? Did you place it all to remind me?

To believe.

– from the mountain

Consider:

How can I approach more wholehearted belief?

Reading:

“The world is charged with the grandeur of God.

It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;

It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil

Crushed.” — Gerard Manley Hopkins

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“Wherever you turn, there is the face of God.” — Jalal al-Din Rumi

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“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.” — Psalm 19:1 (KJV)

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I fool myself. (Sunday Reflection)

I have been thinking lately about my expectations.

Before anything happens, I have already decided what it will mean. I load moments with burdens: how they should look, how they should feel, what they should give me.

Reality always under- or overshoots my silent expectations. A day I thought would be dull glows. A moment I looked forward to is flat.

I measure what is, against what was supposed to be.

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These expectations rule my heart. I rehearse future trouble, steel myself against despair. I picture small triumphs, weaving stories of delight.

And then the day arrives, refusing to fit.

It seems a needless way to suffer. Even joy can be dimmed this way, because it does not appear in the shape I pictured.

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It is daily work, to release these quiet demands. To let life be, without bending it. To simply notice: this is how it is today.

It is stark, standing on unfamiliar ground. There is freedom there too.

A trade: the weight of expectation, for the gift of attention.

– from the mountain

Consider:

Where today am I trying to shape reality?

Reading:

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” — Alexander Pope

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“If individuals resolutely submit to the carrying of the cross … they will discover in all of them great relief and sweetness.” — St. John of the Cross 

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“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” — Psalm 62:5 (KJV)

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The world is beyond point of view.

My dwelling has two windows. One looks upon a quiet road. Another shows a view of a garden.

Am I traveler, or farmer? It depends on which way I look.

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From other rooms in my home, the blank walls: what would I see if a new window were cut? Does one show calamity near? Does another reveal wealth or power of which I had not known?

Lord, let me walk outside to meet the world, the same outside all the windows.

– from the mountain

Consider:

Where can I set aside my perspective and instead see reality?

Reading:

“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”— Anaïs Nin, from The Seduction of the Minotaur (1961)

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Leaving room in our efforts.

Growing a garden — am I master of the plants, do I direct the bounty?

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The plot is cleared, the soil turned, the rows dug. The peppers will grow no sweeter for being in a straight line.

And yet I worry over the color of the fence.

Lord, let me leave room for you to work your daily miracles. Enter this garden, and cause it to grow.

– from the mountain

Consider:

How can I leave room for miracles to take place?

Reading:

“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.” — A.A. Milne (attributed)

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“The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson, from Essays: Second Series (1844), “Nature”

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“So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.” — 1 Corinthians 3:7, KJV

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