Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Dear God, behind today’s fear lies a greater fear, and behind that yet another.

I fear others – behind that, I fear that I will be judged poorly – and behind that still, I fear having my true nature exposed to myself. I am afraid that my self-image will shatter.

At core, then, my fear really is rooted in self. It is based in doubt that you, sweet Lord, love and support me. I pridefully think myself alone. Acceptance, under such a lash of selfish fear, is glum, reluctant.

Build my faith and let it be true. Let me accept this world and its movements eagerly, enthusiastically.

O! I make my own inner life misery by denying your love at its deepest core. Crack me open, Lord, and expose my raw skin to warm sunshine.

(Letter #1,558)