Friday, July 7, 2017

Dear God, I feel diminished at work. I feel beset on all sides by criticism, tasks are undone and coming due, I fear that I am just a few weeks away from learning that I am not needed.

Lord what if this is a time of trial, here for a purpose? The trial may not in fact be comprised of external trouble – it may be my attitude. Seen objectively, this period may be best characterized as being marked by irrational fears. What if it is the fear itself that is my test? I am not being asked to conquer adversity, but to face fear.

Lord, I know what to do about fear. You have taught me. Deepen faith. Seek to be of service. Try to discern and act on your will and guidance. Take the next right action, however small.

Let me be willing to do these things. The test brought by this fear is rooted in temptation. It is comforting to wallow in my self-absorbed fear and so to become useless to you and to the world. Instead of acting, I dither and fret.

My attitude will not be improved by thinking about it. Lord, let me act. Let me meet this test by seeking and doing your will, regardless of my emotions.

(Letter #919)