Monday, February 12, 2018

Dear God, let me abandon myself. Instead, I build ramparts and walls against the arrayed forces of the world. I protect myself, both from actual and imagined foes.

Such energy I spend in maintaining these arrangements. Decision after decision floats my way, and in each I wonder, “what ought I to do?” Yet my aim is always to improve or defend my position, and so the question is mis-phrased. I am really asking, “how can I gain?” Such selfish aims, wrapped in pious language.

Lord, let me throw open my gates, scatter my defenses. Let me ask, not about oughts and shoulds, but instead: “O Lord, what would you have me do?” And once asked, let me listen and heed. Let me act as you command.

The world may find an empty ruin where my fortress once stood. Lord, you have called me out to walk among the meadows and leave my supplies to nourish all who chance upon my refuge.

Lord, let me have the courage to abandon myself to you.

(Letter #1129)